[UsurpAuthority]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."


"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."






She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that -

(1) you have to be single and
(2) you must be Catholic."




The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.






But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.






"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"



"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."




The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party!"

[blopwbb]

Bob went to florida for a week because of his job, after 6 days in there, he really miss his wife and try to send her an email, but without realizing it he wrote the wrong adress and the email sended to a poor woman because her husband who's name Bob died 1 week ago, after that poor woman read the email, she suprised,cry,and almost get heart attack, worried about the condition of his mom, one of her children looked the email and read it, and this is what the email say "dear my beloved love, guess what, we will meet soon, i can't wait to see u again, see ya darling.
Bob
ps:damn this is so hot in here

[Servem]

There were 3 construction workers. A Indian, a Mexican and an American. It was lunch time and the Indian worker opened his lunch and he had a hamburger. The Indian complained that if he had hamburger again he will jump off the building. The Mexican guy opened his lunch and had tacos and complained if he had taco again he will jump off the building. The American guy opened his lunch and saw peanut butter sandwich and complained that if he had pj sandwich again he will jump off the building. The next day at lunch, the Indian guy opened his lunch and saw a hamburger, so he jumped off the building and died. The Mexican guy opened his lunch and saw a taco so he jumped off the building and died. The American guy saw pj sandwich so he jumped off the building and died. The reporters questioned the workers's wife, the Indian worker's wife said i didn't know he didn't like hamburgers or i would have made him something else. The reporters questioned the Mexican worker's wife and she said i didn't know that he didn't like taco or i would have made something else. The reporters questioned the American worker's wife and his wife said My husband makes his own lunch.

[Maraen]

ok, so George Bush(the u.s. president), the mexican president, and the chinese president(king?watever) are all on a v.i.p. plane. then, a little after the plane took off, there is a message that the plane is too heavy and u all have to get rid of watever u have the most of. the chinese president throws rice out of the plane, and says he has too much rice. the mexican president throws beans out of the plane and says there are too many beans.
now, george bush gets out of his seat and takes the mexican president and throws him off the plane, saying "in the u.s. theres too many mexicans"

its a pretty messed up joke but i still laughed

[blopwbb]

one day one teacher call one of his student,
Teacher: AndY i know you are cheated at the test with kate yesterday
Andy, no i didn't, why you blame for that?
Teacher: First, looks the first question, "when is the independent day of US?, and your answer is 4 july and kate answered is 4 july either".
Andy: that's the right answer!! so it is make sense if both of us have a right answer, it's not what i called cheating.
Teacher: but now looks the second question "who is the person who find out the US for the first time?, and kate answered "i don't know", and your answer is "if kate doesn't know, hw can i know the answer."
Andy:@#$@#$

[Ryuushii]

Bob and his 3 friends were walking home from work.They saw an article about getting 4 hundred dollars a month for playing extreme. So Bob and his friends took the job and on the first day they were supposed to get away from the hired assasins who were trying to cut their penis of. Unfortunately Bob always suckec at athletics.After the day he asked the Boss there to let him see the contract he signed, it said: WE ARE CLEARY NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ACCIDENTS OCCURING TO YOU. So Bob decided to quit because after the first day, he was never able to pee again.

[Maraen]

theres 4 people on a bridge, a mexican, a chinese dude, a black dude, and a white dude.

the bridge starts to get heavy, and so people have to get off.

the mexican dude says,"this is for my country." and jumps off the bridge.

the chinese dude says,"this for my country!" and jumps off the bridge.

the white dude says,"THIS is for MY country!" .........

.... and pushes the black dude off the cliff

[UsurpAuthority]

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest
thing!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?'

[UsurpAuthority]

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an
18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal
thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.


When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted
teller and without missing a beat, she says:



'Well, that's great....that's just great....some ass hole's got my pen!

[punkxdweeb]

"There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette.
They all decided to go to the bar and they got fake ids cause they were underage.
So they go in and the bartender knows they are underage so he call the cops.
The readhead informs the girls that the bartender has called the cops and they have to leave.
So they go out the back door and they see this barn.
They go inside and the redhead notices 3 potato sacks on the floor.
See tells the girls to each hide in a potato sack.
Then the police arrive in the bar, and the bartender takes them out back to look around.
They go into the barn and look everywhere.
One cop says "They might be in those potato sacks".
So he kicks the first one containing the redhead and hears "woof woof". "That's a dog" he thinks to himself.
He kicks the second bag containing the brunette and hears "Meow, meow" "Well that must be a cat" he thinks.
Finally, he kicks the last bag containing the blonde and hears in a slow voice "po...ta...to...es!""